Is sex addiction a real disorder?

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  • #575

    Anonymous

    Today I watched on the TV about sex addiction. My mom thinks there is no such thing and it is the persons fault and they can control themselves.

    I think that sex addiction is real because it is just like any other addiction.

    My mom thinks that you can control yourself from fucking, but some people have the urge to fuck all the time and can’t help themselves.

    So, I believe sex addiction is real. What is your opinion?

    #576

    Tim

    If you want to have sex with 80% of the women you see… that’s called being a young male. We all went through it, and I consider it “normal”. Most of us don’t cheat on our wives because we realize it’s wrong, we have adequate self control, and that we realize we would lose far more than we would gain. Men cheating on their wives aren’t suffering from addiction, they just have poor self control and make poor decisions.

    As for the others, often the same rules apply. Sure, we all get cranky if we go for a month or two without sex. That doesn’t make it “withdrawal”, that’s just being a sexually frustrated human, and it happens to everyone.

    If you’re emptying your 401k for funds to have sex with prostitutes while your marriage falls apart, yes, you might have a real addiction problem. Using sex to overcome depression and other major psychological problems also points to a legit addiction. But for most of these people, I feel like they’re just using the word “addiction” to justify their poor life decisions.

    #577

    Brad

    I think it is real. Any repetitive behavior that causes your brain pleasure and releases those deadly endorphins can become an addiction. Heck, there’s “exercise” addicts out there too, and probably a host of others that aren’t so easily identified.

    #578

    James

    I believe this is a real disorder. So long as folks try to get help and control it, then let them be. Also, it should be disclosed to anyone you consider getting into a serious relationship with, as it’s not fair to them to knowingly get involved when you know you will likely cheat on them.

    #580

    Dude

    Tim, your reply is exactly why the stigma attached to sexual addiction. You should see the movie “Thanks for sharing” about people with sex addictions as it explains some aspects of it.

    Doesn’t an alcoholic have “poor choices” by choosing alcohol over people? Doesn’t a drug addict have “poor choices” by choosing drugs over food and family? That’s just poor self-control, right? It’s not chemical or hormonal or… just like shopping addictions – it’s just a “poor choice”…

    Yep, it’s clear you don’t get it. I totally understand your reply because it was mine as well – it is a hard concept to get your head around if you have no frame of reference. But it can be a type of addiction all the same.

    #581

    Reuben

    Sounds to me that these are some people that are just looking for an excuse for their stupid decisions. These people have other problem but being addicted to sex isn’t one of them.

    Tim does get it. I knew a supposed sex addict. I met others in the group therapy she went to. There was no addiction there, only excuses for making bad decisions about what every single human feels or thinks. The problem is with self-control not addiction.

    #582

    Eric

    I laughed at that 80% comment. What’s keeping this guy from wanting to have sex with the other 20%. Doesn’t seem so uncontrollable.

    Humans have the tendency for addiction by nature. We gravitate towards routines (habits) and structure. If you’re routines or compulsive behavior is considered negative. It’s frowned upon by society. Like drugs, sex, food. But if you’re a workaholic (any field) or addicted to working out… now your addiction is a “good habit” and not frowned upon.

    Forming addictions is natural. It shouldn’t be treated like a disease. But if your addictions are ruining your life, you need to change what you’re addicted to, to something more positive. It’s definitely easier said than done, but it’s possible. I’ve seen it myself.

    #583

    Brandon

    The Internet has confused us all. It screwed up dating, sexual identity, the way we educate ourselves, the way we voice opinions, and now, our sexual habits.

    #584

    Chuck

    Hello, I am a sex addict.

    I don’t want to be, but I am. Sometimes I wish I was a more “socially accepted” addict like an alcoholic, but I am not. I am not powerless over alcohol – can take it or leave it without any difficulty. But, I am powerless over certain sexual behaviors.

    If you don’t suffer from the same addiction as me, I don’t expect you to understand. How can a normal human desire be an addiction? Maybe I just have a high sex drive?

    Yes, I used these rationalizations for many years to prolong and expand my addiction and to avoid facing reality. I get that many of you commenting on this thread aren’t sex addicts and have strong opinions about your belief that one can’t be addicted to sex. Fine, you’re entitled to your opinion – but that doesn’t make it true for me and thousands of others. Would you consider the possibility that because you don’t suffer from this disease you couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like? I don’t know what it’s like to have schizophrenia but I certainly wouldn’t claim that it doesn’t exist.

    The questions I had to honestly answer to determine if I am a sex addict are (not exhaustive):

    Am I preoccupied with sexual thoughts? Have I been sexual when I didn’t plan on it or didn’t want to? Have I lied to be sexual or cover sexual behaviors? Have I changed plans in order to be sexual? Have I taken risks to be sexual? Have I spent money to be sexual? Have I experienced negative consequences because of my sexual behavior and continued the behavior? Have I been sexual with someone I didn’t know? Have I violated my own morals, principles or value system by being sexual? Have I neglected other responsibilities in order to be sexual? My answers to the above are all “yes”. How about you?

    After over 13 years of recovery and hearing the stories of thousands of men and women, I am 100% certain that sex addiction ruins lives and families. Although it would be nice, I don’t need your support or acceptance. As a matter of fact, I don’t need anything from you – I have a wonderful support system of the most courageous people I know – sex addicts willing to stand up for themselves, ask for help, face their shame, tell the actual truth about their behaviors and provide unconditional acceptance and support for others wanting freedom from a life of chaos caused by an addiction to sex.

    And, a note for those who are the most vocal about their opinion that there’s no such thing as an addiction to sex, consider what Shakespeare said: “Thou dost protest too much, methinks.”

    #585

    Chuck

    Sex addiction is a “Process Addiction” rather than a substance addiction (like drugs/alcohol). Process addictions create a “high” because of the chemicals our brain releases during the behavior (think of the rush a gambler gets when s/he’s got a big bet on the line).

    With sex it is particularly strong given the evolutionary tie – the survival of our species relies firmly on our attachment to being sexual. Our species evolved to be sexual. Those that weren’t created less offspring and were therefore selected out.

    #586

    Alex

    It is hard to be a sex addict in America where every woman appears to be Shamu and every man looks to be 12 months pregnant.

    #587

    S.

    Addiction? Like a compulsion or craving? Um, that’s how we’re wired when it comes to sex. It’s an inherent biological state we have. It’s not the same as an acquired addiction to drugs or alcohol. Unless there is self destructive behavior or an inability to maintain a functional life due to this “sex addiction” then it’s not an addiction. You’re just a red blood human being.

    A lot of these psychological problems that occur surrounding sex probably don’t have anything to do with sex addiction so much as getting twisted up mentally by all the conflicting moral views on sex. When people sow the seed of sex as sinful, then you get all kinds of problems as people emotionally come into conflict with their very nature.

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